Well hello again out there in cyberland,
I have finally reached my limit. Of what you ask, EVERYTHING, LOL. I mean really, but I honestly and truthfully thank God for it all. In 30 years I have had quite the life. Ups downs and all arounds but God has remained faithful, though I always have not. I am tired of that life. I enjoyed the beginning, reveled in the middle(smile), and oh did i suffer at the end; but I must say that it was grand. As I approach my celebration of a new year on this earth I am also reflecting on the end of another. Another year as well as another era of my life is gone. I can say that I got out of it as much as I , myself, could. In doing that I get excited about whats coming. I am looking forward to 31 as well as LIFE. Life with God, life with my children and life with myself. Beyond that is more then my mind can handle and I am ever so glad that I know he is there. I am even more ecstatic to know that I am ready and striving now to do more for him. I want God to be happy with me. By this I mean I want to be the man that my God has been grooming me to be my whole life, and quite especially these last few years. I know who i am and I know who I want to be, and I am definitely tired of feeling and hearing that I am not going to live the life I seem to think I should have. Hey, it may sound odd to you but its how I feel (smile), we can talk about why in later entries. All I can say is I can see Gods hand and work in my life.
I am doing things now that I never thought possible because I never thought about it at all. I am used to living a certain kind of way, because of the way that I was brought up. There was a certain mindset that I adopted early in life and hold to this day. I don't want to be like everyone else because most people aren't who they claim to be. I knew who I was early in life and it has always brought great things. I just didn't know who i wanted to be. Life goes on as long as it does and no one knows when their last breath is coming, so why not enjoy every day given. Why not surround yourself with people you can do this with. Well this is a question that plagued me for a good number of years in my life and it caused a whole lot of shinanigry. Some good, some not so much but never the less I lived through it and I am here. The thing I realized is that I didn't know who i was any more, and so I endeavored to find out. To really get do the core of why my life wasn't the way I wanted it to be, which in my mind was just to enjoy everyday I get. However I wasn't taking in to account everything that could in tell in one mans life. Seeing as how that man was me I was compelled to figure it out. I am at the point of being fed up of not trusting in God as much as I should. Of not trusting in myself as much as I should, but I needed this fire lit to push me that extra mile. I have often heard stories about your thirties but amount of change your mind does in relevance to your personal world is astounding. At least to me it has been. My 20's was interesting but my 30's are gearing up to be something all together different. I am over not living up to gift of being a child of God, and a man who knows his own mind. How does anyone out there feel about what I am saying? Can you comment?
