God Thankyou For Being Fed up

Well hello again out there in cyberland,


I have finally reached my limit. Of what you ask, EVERYTHING, LOL. I mean really, but I honestly and truthfully thank God for it all. In 30 years I have had quite the life. Ups downs and all arounds but God has remained faithful, though I always have not. I am tired of that life. I enjoyed the beginning, reveled in the middle(smile), and oh did i suffer at the end; but I must say that it was grand. As I approach my celebration of a new year on this earth I am also reflecting on the end of another. Another year as well as another era of my life is gone. I can say that I got out of it as much as I , myself, could. In doing that I get excited about whats coming. I am looking forward to 31 as well as LIFE. Life with God, life with my children and life with myself. Beyond that is more then my mind can handle and I am ever so glad that I know he is there. I am even more ecstatic to know that I am ready and striving now to do more for him. I want God to be happy with me. By this I mean I want to be the man that my God has been grooming me to be my whole life, and quite especially these last few years. I know who i am and I know who I want to be, and I am definitely tired of feeling and hearing that I am not going to live the life I seem to think I should have. Hey, it may sound odd to you but its how I feel (smile), we can talk about why in later entries. All I can say is I can see Gods hand and work in my life.
I am doing things now that I never thought possible because I never thought about it at all. I am used to living a certain kind of way, because of the way that I was brought up. There was a certain mindset that I adopted early in life and hold to this day. I don't want to be like everyone else because most people aren't who they claim to be. I knew who I was early in life and it has always brought great things. I just didn't know who i wanted to be. Life goes on as long as it does and no one knows when their last breath is coming, so why not enjoy every day given. Why not surround yourself with people you can do this with. Well this is a question that plagued me for a good number of years in my life and it caused a whole lot of shinanigry. Some good, some not so much but never the less I lived through it and I am here. The thing I realized is that I didn't know who i was any more, and so I endeavored to find out. To really get do the core of why my life wasn't the way I wanted it to be, which in my mind was just to enjoy everyday I get. However I wasn't taking in to account everything that could in tell in one mans life. Seeing as how that man was me I was compelled to figure it out. I am at the point of being fed up of not trusting in God as much as I should. Of not trusting in myself as much as I should, but I needed this fire lit to push me that extra mile. I have often heard stories about your thirties but amount of change your mind does in relevance to your personal world is astounding. At least to me it has been. My 20's was interesting but my 30's are gearing up to be something all together different. I am over not living up to gift of being a child of God, and a man who knows his own mind. How does anyone out there feel about what I am saying? Can you comment?

Contract Renegotiations

What is going on Readers, ya boy Skel here,


Your boy is looking forward to new things in what seems to be a new life. Last year marked the end of an era and now the ground has been broken on the rest of my life. Living with God is truly and adventure, and one I am quite grateful to be a part of. I have been Royalty and a pauper and I must say Royalty is my more suitable state. The enemy tried to take me out y'all, just go back and read old entries and you will have some idea of how. Thanks be to GOD that the how is not all that important in the grand scheme of things though. What was important that I learned how to live with and trust in GOD. That song says it all " Falling in love with Jesus was the best thing I have ever ever done". God was just a conversational acquaintance for a good portion of my life. I believed in "a power", but never took the time to experience His power and mercy. So now after going through what was literally a fight for my life ( Glad my God is a God of promise. And he keeps them) I am ready to continue with this new and most fascinating building era. Soul saved, heart for him, and mind about is word I wake up every day amazed and grateful I am still here. In awe that with all that has going on I have only experienced the tip of the iceberg. There is so much on the horizon and I am lining myself up with his mercy and instruction. The only thing that got me through those early years of my honest walk with Jesus the only thing that got me through was the belief he would make a difference in my life and circumstance, he boy did he deliver. Going from being virtually homeless to having a guarantee that rent and lights would be paid in such a short time is nothing short of a miracle.
Now I have been deep in thought and talks with God about what I expect for and from GOD in this new phase of my life. Who knew that there was soo much love and joy just one level below the pain and disappointment I harbored towards my self for so long. Well I know who did, GOD and he showed me too. There is more expected of me from my self this go round. And God shows me new interests and hones old gifts and talents on a daily basis. Some that I had honestly forgot I could even do. But am working as a whole unit for the first time in life. I am a whole person content in himself striving to be better in GOD. Do what you do GOD and show me how to live more abundantly in you. Get me right GOD so I can truly represent you in this life.

It Begins at the Begining

Hello out there in Cyberland, its ya boy Skel here.



I have been gone for a minute now and quite a lot has changed. My struggles with our great countries Armed Forces has finally bared the desired fruit and I have reached new heights in my personal life as well. All this must be and and can only be attributed to GOD and his good graces. Since I have last made an entry I have moved to a different city, gained and sustained suitable employment, just recently moved in to my own apt. No one can ever tell me that GOD isn't real. It has been a long and hard road to get to this point and I am grateful that I am finally on this side. There were times when I didn't think I was gonna make it, w in fact my eyes welled up with tears on January 1 of this year because I honestly didn't think I would live to see that day. Yet I did, and GOD followed it up with more days filled with bigger and better breakthroughs and delivered promises.

I have only been here since the end of January but in those few short months soooooo much in my life is just completely different. My other entries have been about obtaining and going after things, keeping your faith and knowing where your help really comes from. For me its GOD, who then enables me to draw strength from with in myself. Its kind of funny when you realize that the things that you have been working and striving for could actually work out the way you planned. Get a lil tickled when I think about it. I have talked about on here and in my everyday about me coming in to my own and being the man God has been pruning and grooming to be, and here I stand ready to make my mark in this world as a person who is saved and has an ever evolving and strengthening bond with God. All the thoughts and ideas I have had swirling in my head are falling in to place or taking an actual shape of a plan. Something and I can work on an work with to moved beyond my now.

I entitled this post "It Begins at the Beginning" because that's where I am at in my life, no longer bewildered at any crossroads. I have learned my lessons and now its time to move on with my life. Sounds prolific but what does it really mean? I have contemplated this for I don't know how many days and hours. ( SMILE ) I have finally concluded that I needed to survey where I was in life and what I was left with on this side of the storm. I have accepted my quirks and idiosyncrasies and embraced them bound and determined to allow the Lord to use them to make way for me. Next I thought it best for me to really think about this lil tid bit of information, "What exactly is it you wanna do?" That one had me stumped, I have it to admit, but I have a direction now with many possibilities and opportunities in sight. I know who I am and who I am striving to be and a lil bit about how I am going to go about getting there. And I mean everything, from family to friends, lovers, career. From here on out I want people to know me as the same kind of person. A hard working, fun loving, ambitious man that does what he says he is going to do, big dreams and all. So here is life's beautiful lil smile at me, how do you navigate through a beginning and an end simultaneously? It begins at the beginning.

Who were you when this journey began? What mistakes and/missteps did you take, and are you sure that you wouldn't make the same slips again? I am walking through the open door God has put before me and I am not looking back but I will never ever forget where MY GOD brought me from.

This ya boy signing off saying go love on somebody a lil goes a long way. Love Peace and lollipops and by God be with you until you return to him.

What More Could I Need?

Whats going on readers, present and future. Skel here, back with new ideas and questions.

I have been riding high on my latest breakthroughs and the wonders of this new mind set and era of my life. I kinda caught up with myself, grew up, and made advancement all at once. So the three years of " Depression", "Storm", or "Journey" (depending on who you are or the context of the topic LOL) that I put in getting myself to a point where I felt comfortable in this world were not in vain. As with all things that happen to me in life, it was necessary for that time and for my future. I was brought closer to GOD, showed that I could make it through things I never imagined myself even having to experience, and taught me what kind of man I was. It was during this time in my life I started truly identifying myself as a man. Not because of my age, but the merit of my character and mind. Sure I was a little late by my own standards LOL, I should have been doing other things at 30. At least I had vague thoughts and plans that I would. I have gotten over that thought, that was the first thing to change. I have made so much progress and overcome so much in the last 10 years. I am truly and insanely grateful. I keep saying there were times when I really didn't think I would make it or if i wanted to live another day and that is honest and real. I really feel like God spared and saved my life on many occasions. There is a joy in my life that is a familiar comfort from my childhood, where everyday was a gift and enjoyed. Yet still I am not quite as happy as I want to be. I have a longing and perhaps even a need for companionship. I want to be able to share my life with someone. Not a sexual thing or romantic thing, doesn't even have to be one specific person, I just want access to someone who is my friend , who feels like family.
I really miss the idea of family. I miss the idea of belonging somewhere. I am unique, I march to the beat of my own drum. I get it, I have come to embrace it and even rely on it, but it does get lonely. I don't know how to fix this one because only GOD really can. This isn't new at all, as a child I had these feelings or a need to belong somewhere. Yet I never really did, I mean I wasn't a recluse or anything just always felt like an outsider or that I was not getting something that everyone else understood. I am having about a hard time explaining it as I am feeling it. (smile) I think I feel guilty for wanting more then God has provided for me at this time. I should be happy with what I have, especially looking back at what I am coming from, and I am. Its just that there is still a longing. I want to be around people that I enjoy, care about, learn from, and lean on. I want family and friends but I want it a certain kind of way. Is that bad? I want to have good people in my midst so when I encounter those who need Jesus I have more to say then just you need Jesus. I don't know I had gotten to a point when i thought I didn't' need people or want them for that matter. Just miss having real friends.

Which Way Is Up...........Always look to him.

Well Readers its ya boy Skel,


God is too good to me. I had another soap opera or reality show moment yesterday. Over all I have to give GOD the glory, it could have been worse, but it was a very hard and emotional thing to endure. The authorities were at Mission Control, that's my humble abode, I name everything. LOL Anyway yet again Vera was here and this time it was specifically for me and they brought the EMT. I know exactly how it happened just can't believe it happened to me. But again I say I give God the glory. Though yesterday was hard and I acted in ways that are not conducive at all to what I am trying to accomplish, I could hear his voice the whole day. I am finding that making an outward change in ones life is only slightly less difficult then making one an inward one, if there is any difference at all. I have had to bore deep down in to my self to deal with all the demons, detriments,and bad memories in order to move forward with my life, but God walked me through and right on out of that trap. It took some years but it finally became personal and now we have this forward motion down to a science. I am consistently and constantly moving forward in life, open t o, aware of, and seeking things that will aid in my endeavors. As well as obtaining access to outlets of frustration and discord, though I have been having a feeling that I am stalled or stunted in some way as of late. This wasn't so bad at first. I had been working so hard and so long on so many aspects of my life, a break was welcomed and well received. Only now I am ready to get back to work, and find myself with out the foggiest idea of what to do.
Now that I have gotten to the root of all my bad decisions and misdoings, now that I have learned where my worth lies, and where my power resides how do I overcome. I have done too much evolving and growing for me to do things the way I used to and feel comfortable, so show me how to be this new and revolutionary person. I ask what it is you want me to do Lord? How do I get from this place, which is not all together bad or good, just where I am. Help me to live in your glory and your word, putting what you have taught me in to action. Please please don't let my yesterday dictate my tomorrow. My limitations have spawned dreams and ideas that are significantly and distinctly my own and can only be acheived through you.
This journey, that perfect storm began with my floor was ripped from under me and the world came crashing down on my head. BUT GOD. You covered me through the fall and held me close through the climb, and I am eternally grateful. You were my eyes on the journey to the depths of my soul and the strength that brought me back. I willingly and humbly give these issues to you so that you can bless them and I can share your power and glory. I have been taught how to be humble, and shown how to love, and I want to share that joy with the world.

I leave you with these words: The hardest thing I have ever had to do was look at myself and when I didn't find him I had to seek the Lord. I have a ways to go yet but if he doesn't do anything else hes already done enough. I am here living another day.

HARVEST TIME

What's going on Good People? Ya boy Skel here...... back in action.

I haven't been Ranting as much as I would have liked in the last couple of weeks. God has really been taking me through some sessions. I honestly don't even know where to begin. There is just so much I want to say. From my eyes being opened wider to this world, God, and most important (for this particular time at least) MYSELF. I have always had ideas, and have never had much problems letting them be known. Yet when you look at it where am I? What am I doing with any of the information, education, talents, or gifts that I posses? The list can just go on and on. For a long time I felt bad for having these thoughts , or at the very least strange. I am the kind of fellow that marches to his own tune. The way I think and see the world is so simple yet apparently unique. Well I am determined to make that work for me in this life time and on this earth.
I have been writing about overcoming a long and difficult period in my life, and how God was key in pulling me out of it. I can really say now that I am over and through a major, necessary and very difficult change in my life. It is the most amazing feeling, one I have experienced before but very rarely. The first time I heard my daughter call me daddy. When I saw my ex wife's foot coming down the stairs on our wedding day. The day my son was born. Just to name some of the safe ones LOL. Like I know even, this moment, and this time is going to forever be etched in my memory. When GOD presented me with a precious and permanent gift in my life.
Only this time he gave me, ME. This whole ordeal has taught me what kind of person I am, what I am made of, and who I serve. From here on out there is no telling where my life will go only I know that it gets better. Because now I have a purpose and not just a goal or a plan. There is nothing wrong with any of those things but I am finding that all three must be present and working together for anything to be different; in my life at least. Until now I have had no other purpose then to take care of those around me that I love. There were two things wrong with that, however, that I am so glad GOD taught me. I have to be included in those loved ones and I have to have the means to take them. I have lived all of my conscious life half way, going form one side to the other but never really whole. For me to achieve the life I have always seen myself living I had to have, know, and love myself and GOD simultaneously. I have to believe in the vessel being used as well as trust that it will do what it was meant to. I am excited and prepared for all the pleasure and pain that is on the horizon because I am alive, I am Me, and My GOD is on my side. I am ready for the my harvest of promises, reciprocity's, and manifestations before me. Thank you GOD

I leave you with this: Get to know and love the person you are and see how much better your life gets, I dare you LOL.

Seasons changed, Ideas arranged

Hello out there my blogspot readers, Skel here,


I haven't written anything in a while, and it hasn't been for lack of trying. I have a box full of drafts trying to put in to words how I felt and what i wanted to say. Yet none of them seemed to express or convey what I wanted. Everything just seemed to come to a halt, and I couldn't find any understanding in too many people or things around me. I even went back and reread some of the older entries, hoping that I would get some clarity or inspiration, and I did. It just wasn't enough to pull out anything in me to write. LOL Instead I was provoked in to deep thought, which in turn brought forth some serious prayers and conversations with the Lord. I asked what it was God was trying to show me. I had to know what it was that I was not getting? I believed that it had to be me, so I went deeper into my mind, deeper in to my heart, and deeper in to myself. This reeked with a semblence of depression but it was neccessary. I remember saying that I wanted something better or just wanted something to change, though it didn't really seem like that was occurring, and I still couldn't figure out why.
I seemed to be stuck surrounded by people and things who had no idea what I was talking about or trying to do, and had no intentions on finding out, because of what they felt was being or been done to them. My thoughts, feelings, and predicament was of no importance to them as long as they were fine and i was still breathing. It didn't matter that I was homeless, it didn't matter that I was alone, it didn't matter that I was hurting physically and emotionally, and as long as I had breath I should just shut up and be happy. I got this attitude so much so that I stopped expecting to have anyone in my corner or for me. But GOD. THANKYOU LORD. I can sit here and talk about GOD with as much love, passion and understanding that I do because I had no other choice but to trust him. It was either trust in him or die, literally, and I would have gone straight to hell. Real talk, not because I was a horrible person, (contrary to popular belief) but because my heart was not right. I was holding on to people and emotions that I thought I had dealt with. I felt worthless and that i wouldn't get any kind of REAL love from anyone other then GOD. All because my family and some so called friends had turned their backs on me. But through strangers and other unlikely sources GOD kept me here, even when I wanted to give up ( and I really did ) he kept me here. THANKYOU GOD. I thought that because some formerly important people from my past had reentered my life that i was being given a second chance to do some things right. Only just today it clicked finally, I don't want them back in my life. Especially if I have to fight or do extra to have them there. I have always been a person to warn and let it be known when things aren't right and are subject to going a certain kind of way. My actions from that point might not have been liked, but shouldn't have been unexpected.
I have been pining over fixing my old life instead of really embracing and embarking on something new. If you are not in my life the way you used to be there is a reason, and there is no need for me to sugar coat that any more. I have reached a new place with in myself. Not only am I done with the hell and the storm I had been in for years, but GOD has opened my eyes to certain people in this world. Nothing needs to be said, they know who they are or soon shall. I still have love for everyone who has blessed my life with their presence no matter how short or long, but I have places to go and I am no longer in the business of holding myself back for people who can't get with the program of togetherness, friendship, and/or family. I will never forget you or love you any less, but most important I will no longer try to recapture what we had. It will either be new or nothing at all and i am just fine with that, because GOD always knows whats best.

I leave you with these words: Anything you truly love you should be able to let go, if the love is genuinely reciprocated then it will come back to you .